R.I.P. Hansel Carlos

 IN MEMORIAM

Hansel Carlos

Born: 3rd June 2023

Died: 26th November 2023 (est.)

Found Dead: 28th November 2023 (2330 hours)

Probable Cause of Death: Struck On The Right Side Of The Head By An Unknown Vehicle 

Eulogy

Your twin sister, 

Gretel,

Went missing not too long ago,

And now here you are,

Dead.

How you managed to find your way back, 

From the scene of the road accident

To the spot you were found earlier tonight,

Dead but not stiff,

Decomposed but not maggot-infested,

Yet smelling strongly of decay,

Underneath the lounge chair in my room

Is beyond comprehension.

You would have been killed instantly,

A blow like that,

To the side of the head

With such force your eyeballs

Were knocked somewhat out of their sockets,

Yet you managed to find your way back

To where you were found earlier tonight.

How, may I ask, did you accomplish such an impossible feat?

Did some unseen hand lift up your motionless body

And bring it back here to where you were found

Purely by accident?

It couldn't have been one of the neighborhood residents

 From that side of the road,

Surely, 

Who would have come a-calling outside the gate 

To report a dead cat,

Assumed to be one of yours, dear Neighbor,

As has happened in the past,

Twice, actually, 

Not very long ago either.

How nice.

Yes, how nice of your guardian angel

To bring your dead body back to me

For burial

After allowing you to die on the road

Like a dog

Hit by a car

Gleefully.

Did the driver enjoy hitting you?

Was he, or she, spurred on by an excited child

In the backseat

Perhaps

Who steered his or her aim as he or she drove

Perhaps?

Let's ask the one who, 

As surely as the sun rises in the east

And sets in the west,

Knows the circumstances of your death,

Your sloppy guardian angel.

R.I.P. Amadea Carlos

 IN MEMORIAM

Amadea* Carlos

(*Latin for 'Loved by God')

Born: 18th May 2023

Died: 28th November 2023

Cause of Death: Illness of an Unknown Nature

Eulogy

Never in my life have I seen a cat 

That refused to lie down and die 

Like any other sick and dying cat

Until now.

The manner in which you fought

The Angel of Death

Right until the very end

Was astounding.

Had you been a soldier,

Your enemies would have been vanquished

One by one,

Wave after wave,

By the last man left standing,

Gravely wounded but still determined to fight

Until the last bullet was fired,

O You Who Refused To Lay Down Quietly And Die.

What strength,

What determination,

Never seen before

In a cat

That refused to give in 

Like a good sick and dying cat

And just die.

Death was unworthy of one like you.

If anyone deserved to live,

It was you.

You were once loved by God, 

When he snatched you away from the Angel of Death

Who had you in his deadly embrace, 

But not this time,

But who are we to say anything 

But hold our tongues

As he is God and it is his right 

To taketh as freely as he giveth

Just as it is the potter's right

To make a pot so beautiful the world gasps in awe

Or smash it to pieces

Without a moment's notice

If the mood so suited him.

Better to have been loved even once by God

Than be cursed a thousand times in a fiery pit

Where

'The worm does not die

& 

The fire is not quenched."

(Mark 9:48)

I wish I had more tears for you,

Beloved Pussycat,

But however I may try,

The taps have all run dry.

IN MEMORIAM

Kanena Odoma Akoma* Carlos

(*Greek for 'No Name Yet') 

Born: 18th February 2023

Died: 6th August 2023

Cause Of Death: Hit On The Left Side Of The Head By A Car

Eulogy

Ah, Angel of Death,

Thou foul-smelling demon,

Foul-smelling like that of a rotting corpse.

So, this was what thy fleeting presence the other night,

For two consecutive nights, 

Was in aid of, 

An omen of what was to come.

Thy foul-smelling cousin,

That Cess Pit Demon,

Foretold the impending death of my departed dad

One score and seven years ago

With his foul-smelling presence for days on end.

Congratulations, 

For you too have done your superiors proud

With your good work,

Motherf*@#%r.

Sacrificed For The Sake Of A Neighbor's Cat Poop-Free Ornamental Flower Pot

 I. The Sacrificial Lambs (3)

II. The Neighbor's Ornamental Flower Pot

III. Nature Of The Sacrifice

Kicked out of the house

For stubbornly refusing to respond to discipline

And making life hellish for me

Each time the sanctity of the ornamental flower pot in question 

Was desecrated with unholy poop

Belonging to one, or all, of you

Each time one, or all, of you

Was caught red-handed

With your hand in the cookie jar,

So to speak,

Or by the evidence left behind

Although the typical youthful exuberance expected of three-month-old kittens

Offered in your defense by your counsel

Does weigh considerably in your favor. 

So, what shall the verdict be,

To remain in exile on the other side of the school in front

Where you were relocated in the middle of the night

Or be brought back in three days time

 If search-and-locate attempts were favorable?

As usual, we shall let the judge, or the gods, 

Whichever the case might be, 

Decide.

After all, an exiled cat once managed to find its way back

All by itself in the past,

And just as kittens were always going missing, 

As if snatched by an unseen hand,

And in some cases reappearing after a few days,

As if led by an unseen hand,

The gods could always send an angel to lead you back,

If they so desired,

Couldn't they?

On the other hand,

Perhaps you were a hundred times better off where you were,

For the simple reason that wherever you were,

You were not getting the trashing of your lives 

For bad behavior in my judgement

As would the case be had you been here

Each time you needed to be disciplined 

For bad behavior in my judgement

Which at times was a bit too extreme and a bit too harsh

In terms of getting flogged until it seemed,

In my own words,

As if the hand wielding the rod 

Was about to fall off,

Such was the force of the flogging,

In which case,

A more fitting title would be,

Exiled For Your Own Good,

Perhaps?

But only for now, 

For I have sworn,

With upraised hand,

To come looking for you 

In view of bringing you back

To the place of your birth

The day I struck the jackpot

And found myself in a position

To buy the house from the neighbors next door on the left,

Where the offending ornamental flower pot was, 

And once the carrot dangled before them was of a size they could not say no to

And they gladly moved out 

And the house was mine,

The first thing to be done

Was to break the offending ornamental flower pot

Into a million pieces 

And then come looking for you,

So stay safe and healthy,

For as surely as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west,

I shall do exactly as I have sworn to do,

With upraised hand,

And which I shall,

With God's help and blessings,

Lord, hear my prayer, 

Amen.

R.I.P. Hujan Carlos s/o Eve Carlos

 IN MEMORIAM

Hujan Carlos s/o Eve Carlos

Born: 2nd August 2022

Died: 8th January 2023

Cause Of Death: Severe Facial Injuries & A Broken Neck From A Road Accident

Eulogy

Your Lack Of The Sense Of Danger
Plus
Your Sense Of Adventurism On The Road
Was Your Downfall, Your Undoing,
Because
'Road Users Seldom Take The Trouble
To Avoid Hitting Dogs Or Cats
Stupid Enough To Die On The Road -- Anonymous'
And Yet 
A Silent Scream From My Inconsolable Heart
Reaches Upwards To The Heavens 
For The Ignoble Way The Gods Treated You 
In Determining The Violent Manner Of Your Death 
&
The Pathetic Condition In Which You Would Be Found
 A Whole Day Later Or More

R.I.P. Grey Wolf Carlos

 

 

IN MEMORIAM

Grey Wolf Carlos s/o Pretty Girl Carlos b/o Black Panther Carlos

Born: 27th May 2022

Died: 6th October 2022

Cause of Death: Abnormal Abdominal Swelling (As If Pregnant) + Kidney/Liver Complications

Observer View: Untested Weapon Testing By The Lord's Angel Of Death As Far As This Household Was Concerned

Eulogy

Gallantly Fought 

Against The Angel Of Death

For Three Days 

Before Finally Yielding

To The Final Thrust Of His Sabre

M.I.A. Big Boy Carlos III s/o Eve Carlos

 

Date of Birth: 14th March 2022          

Date of Disappearance: 23rd Sept. 2022

Possible Causes of Disappearance:

         (A) Killed By A Car/Civet Cat/Monitor Lizard/ Dog &               Body Disposed Of By Unknown Person/Persons

(B) Typical Male Cat Walkabout Upon Reaching 

Adulthood Usually A One-Way Trip

(C) Taken Away By The Mythical Horses & Chariots Of Israel For Reasons Unknown